Associate Certified Coach
Certified Whole Person Coach
Life Story Certified Coach
(continued from Home page) I was on a walk one day, telling myself the same old story: “I’m not a good enough parent, I’m not trying hard enough, I should be a better wife. If I were just more grateful, or just thought enough happy thoughts, I wouldn’t be depressed.”
But this walk was different from my everyday walks. During this particular walk, I suddenly had a third-person awareness. I remember thinking to myself: “If someone were to look at me, what would they think?” And it occured to me that someone else would look at me and think that I’m a good person. I said the words out loud, “I am good.”
I had never considered myself to be a good person. Because of my perfectionism and people-pleasing tendencies, I always felt like I should be doing more. And since there is always more that could be done, I believed I was not doing enough.
I lived every day feeling like I was never enough.
Yet as I looked at myself and my life in third person, I began to see myself in a whole new light. I began to have compassion for myself.
I repeated to myself: “I am good.”
That was a breakthrough.
And so, I began to rewrite my stories.
Slowly but steadily, I let go of self-judgement, and began to see all the ways in which I was a good mom, wife, friend, teacher, and how much value I was adding to others’ lives.
As I was healing and feeling more self-compassion, I became good at picking up my repetitive disempowering patterns and rewriting my stories. One day I realized that I had been identifying myself as depressed, even if I was in a good mood! My good mood was just an aberration to my depression. It became clear that even when I was feeling good, I still identified myself as a depressed person! I was defining myself by the emotions of my past.
“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh.
So, I started changing my inner-dialogue. Whenever I caught myself thinking something like: “I am tired/anxious/upset”, I would literally stop myself and say: “I feel tired/anxious/upset right now, and this feeling doesn’t define who I am.”
Instead of saying “I am currently a happy person with depression,” I started saying: “I struggled with depression in the past, and now I am experiencing true happiness.” My depression no longer defines me.
It’s a subtle yet powerful mental shift.
The stories we tell ourselves are often layered. As you rewrite one narrative, you start to notice another disempowering thought pattern, and awareness is the first step towards healing.
Rewriting my story has been a transformational tool for healing my decades of depression, and beyond. After several years of living a new normal (i.e. no depression or dysthymia) I developed a new disempowering story (it’s amazing how our minds work). I would look back at the last 30 years of my life and think critically: “Why did it take me so long to figure this out? Why did I waste so many years of my life feeling depressed? How much better my life would be if I had only healed earlier?”
I immediately realized that this was another disempowering story pattern I needed to change.
I started to give myself more grace and look at my past with compassion. I decided to stop judging myself.
I changed my story, and started accepting what was, and the fact that it took me 30 years to figure things out is just a fact, nothing else. It doesn’t matter how long it took me, because the experience shaped me into who I am today.
From depression, self-judgement, and self-criticism, rewriting those stories has changed my life.
I feel happy, healthy and free now.
I still have bad days and good days and mundane days. I sometimes have self-doubt and definitely have more negative stories to work on. But the difference is that I no longer hide away or stuff down my “negative” emotions (anger, fear, anxiety, etc.). Through the process of rewriting my stories, I let myself feel all the emotions with love and compassion. I now feel empowered, confident, and courageously vulnerable.
My life is not perfect, but I no longer expect it to be! That’s an incredibly different story for me to tell myself. I love it! I’ve given myself permission to be human, and in doing so, I have found more peace and joy in life than I could have imagined. Because of my experiences with rewriting my stories, I am thoroughly enjoying my life. I have never been emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthier.
This is why I’ve chosen to do narrative coaching — I know that rewriting your story creates life-changing personal transformation, because I have personally experienced its power.
When you change your story, you change your life.
In order to help those who are struggling with disempowering self-identification, self-criticism and self-judgement, I have spent years studying the way stories and personal narratives affects us, and the psychology behind it. I have earned my professional coaching certification as a Whole Person Coach, and I’ve been helping people rewrite their stories for the past 5 years.
In sharing my story, I want to show you that change is possible, no matter how long you have been feeling stuck in your disempowering stories and patterns, how impossible it seems to change, or how terrible it currently feels. You have my compassion and support.
As a narrative coach, my mission is to help you identify limiting stories and shift your perspective, so you can reclaim your personal authority and lead an empowered, confident and compassionate life.